Posted by: musingsofthemund | October 18, 2011

Hollimund Part IV – Yes

I decided to pull Mik aside after the Exchange and ask for advice. I felt I was too close to the situation personally to hear objectively (and it seemed that I was just hearing a jumble of things when I was praying) so, given how much I look up to Mik, I thought I’d ask what he thought. What he suggested was that we try having a relationship and take things very slowly and just see where God takes it.

Hallelujah! Exactly what I wanted to hear. I felt good about it and even felt some peace about it, but I wasn’t completely sure yet as I had a good feeling going into that conversation that Mik would probably give me advice like that, so I continued to pray about it, not wanting to have simply gone to someone to hear what I wanted to hear. That day I had renewed a commitment to spending daily time in scripture and seeking God and so the next day (Monday for all of y’all keeping track), I was reading in John and the words were coming to life. I imagined myself there, imagined John the Baptist speaking what I was reading. I moved onto the proverbs and it was like God was speaking to my soul, I moved to the psalms and the presence of God just continued getting bigger and bigger around me and I started singing to Him in praise and adoration and in the midst of that moment, in the midst of the joy and jubilation and the presence of God, I heard Him say this to me. “Pursue me as you pursue her.”

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say that was a rather joyous moment. My favorite thing about it was the way in which God did it. In a pure display of faithfulness and grace to me, He did it in such a way, while I was completely enveloped in Him that there wasn’t any doubt, wasn’t anything to question about it. That was something I’d wrestled with previously when I had thought I’d been hearing Him, “Was that really you God? Is that really what you want?” Seriously, it was nice to hear that and not be worried about second-guessing it.

I was so overjoyed in that experience of the presence of God that I decided to share my joy with the Twitterverse in the following tweet:

Overwhelmed by the joyous, all-encompassing amazing incredible love of God.

As Holli follows my twitter account, this got her attention and texted me asking what was going on. Now for obvious reasons I didn’t want to get into the full extent of the experience over text, so I told her that I had just experienced a time of immense closeness with God and that it was really an amazing experience. And then I sent another text basically asking when we could get together to talk as there were things to talk about. We agreed to get together to talk the next night.

In hindsight, even setting up a time to talk over text may not have been the wisest choice. We both spent the next 24 hours freaking out, not knowing what the other was thinking. She was scared I was about to break things off, leading to her text responses being a bit more terse than usual, and I of course read into that that she must have known what was coming but didn’t feel the same thing and was dreading shooting me down or something.

These are the joys of imagination. ๐Ÿ˜›

So with much prayer and anticipation, I managed to get through that day and to the moment of truth, when she showed up at my door.

We exchanged pleasantries and then I shared that I thought it was time to start a relationship and explained why based on my conversation with Mik as well as my experience with God the night before.

Understandably, she was a little skeptical at first, after all, it was just days ago when we both were under the understanding that it wasn’t what God wanted. The conclusion we came to about why that was able to change was that due to the intense struggles and growth I was going through in the previous months, had I entered into a relationship with Holli at the initial point when I had wanted to, I would have been dragging a lot of junk and baggage in with me, and it was that kind of relationship that God did not want for us. In His infinite grace and mercy and wisdom, He was saving us from a trainwreck, preserving us so that we might be able to come together later and have a real shot at success. And so, here we are, nearly 5 months later, and still going strong.

I praise God for the incredible blessing that learning how to love Holli has been for me and I look forward to what’s to come, whatever that may be!

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Responses

  1. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!!! I’m glad that suspense was FINALLY resolved! Good writing honey, it was interesting to read it all from your perspective (even though I knew all of this) and it still (I’m sure it will always) put a big smile on my face! You are pretty much amazing honey and I immensely appreciate everything about you! ๐Ÿ™‚


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