Posted by: musingsofthemund | September 25, 2008


Current mood: distraught

“Which are you going to choose?”

I stared at the man posing the question. Tired of going back and forth, I sighed. I knew I had to make a choice, a choice that would stick. No more waffling, no more spending one day resolved to pursue and then the next resolved to surrender.

I had to make a choice that I wouldn’t turn from. It was all or nothing, no in between.

The question poser’s gentle face stared at me, waiting patiently for a response. He would wait as long as it took, though the fact of the matter was that no matter how often the variables on one side changed, the question remained the same. There was only one right answer.

I’d already made the wrong choice many times before.

I wanted so desperately to break the cycle. To choose correctly and not be posed with this question in this kind of circumstance again.

Why is it so hard to do what I know is right, so difficult to follow through in letting go?

Did Abraham feel this way as he ascended the mountain with his promise? A promise he was asked to surrender to his God? His own flesh and blood?

Am I making this more than it is?

Why does it feel like I’m not? And why is it I’m so afraid that the outcome will be different from Abraham’s?

To surrender one’s dreams, one’s promised fulfillment to the one who gives them, being willing to sacrifice all for the sake of adoring the one who gives life and joy and fulfillment?

“I don’t feel strong enough. I need your strength. I’m trying so hard, but it isn’t enough. Help me climb this mountain and help me to follow through on the commitment you’ve called me to make to you.

To pursue you above all else. To love you more than anyone. To forsake everything to love you.”

“My son, the strength you require is within you, I put it there long ago. I will hold nothing back from you. Trust me in this, your trial and through your obedience, I will bless you in ways far greater than any and all expectations you could ever have. It will not be easy, but your heart is moving in the right direction. My Son, the Redeemer, is with you. Through His strength you can persevere. You can honor me. Be patient in trial, patient in surrender and know that I am pleased.”

“Then help me please, to die to my desires, to my wants and my dreams. Let me be dead to all that takes me away from my devotion to you.”

“Let it be so, my child, let it be so.”


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